Paris Blues

I'm terribly sad to leave Paris.

I'll write a better conclusion to my life here at some point.

But for now I'm just terribly sad.

A Moral Dilemma.

Last night on my way home after dinner (around midnight) I got a good taste of harassment from a crazy, vulgar Frenchmen.

I sat across from a man on the metro, whose penetrating eyes on my body made his misguidance evident, and within minutes he began to talk "at" me rather than to me, as I was but an object. He said some very inappropriate, crude, insulting, derogatory things to me (insinuating I was the kind of woman that would come home with him, to put it nicely), all of which elicited reactions from the other men on the train. I was grateful for the defense, as I really didn't know how to react. My first feeling was that of sympathy, as this man was clearly not right in the head. But then as he gestured to my exposed shins (I was wearing a just-below-the-knee dress, not at all scandalous) and stated, "C'est une salope," I was filled with the urge to punch him hard in the face, and spit on the ground in front of him. Instead, I alternated between laughing with the other bystanders at his impudence, and giving him stone-cold eyes for his abhorrent behavior.

The disturbing part of this situation was not the insult or debasement I received, nor was it even the disrespect for women in general that this man showed. Rather, it was the moral dilemma I faced afterwards, in trying to decide what would have been the most virtuous way to react. Was it virtuous of me to not really react to the man? Sure, it was safer and empathetic, as he was clearly not right in the head. But it also didn't feel just. I didn't do anything to teach or help the man, or even to simply defend myself against such degradation. I believe anger has its place, and I even think there are times it is important to react to the feeling of anger. But I also know the danger of such reactions, if improper.

Anyone who reads this, I would be really interested in hearing other perspectives on this situation. Please post a comment or contact me in some way :)

Biking in Amsterdam, and some other things...

So I am going to do a little re-cap of the past several weeks...

Three weeks ago I took a 4-day trip to Amsterdam! This city was absolutely amazing; I fell in love. The endless supply of canals make for a breathtaking view, no matter where you are in the city. As a Minnesotan, I of course advocate and love biking (Minneapolis is the number one biking city in the country, after-all; suck it Portland!) and thus loved Amsterdam. Their cycling rates are 10 times higher than those of the United States.

*Side note: I wrote a research paper in a class at UMN about cycling in Europe, and coincidentally focused on Amsterdam. Here is an excerpt from that paper:

"In Amsterdam, some of the reforms the Dutch government made in the 1970s hugely impacted the bike routes in the city. The bike lanes were made larger, nearly two times longer, bringing the total kilometers of bike lanes in Amsterdam to 400km. There are many streets to be found in both Amsterdam and Copenhagen—“bicycle streets”—where cyclists get the right of way and cars are forced to be cautious (Pucher and Buehler 2008, Figure 2). There has also been a major increase in a number of streets which are for bikers only—cars are prohibited from driving on them at all (Pucher and Buehler 2008: 514). Networks of paths have also been created in these cities to steer cyclists away from the busy streets. With this kind of integration, cycling is even more efficient for commuters, and eliminates the issues with congestion."

My good friend Ida and I (who joined me for my adventures in Holland) rented bikes for two days, and were able to see most of the city in that time. I highly recommend this city to anyone travelling through Europe; I found Dutch people to be extremely friendly and helpful, and the acceptance of English-speaking was very welcoming as well. Contrary to popular belief, the city is not defined merely by the Red Light District or the hash-bar Coffee Shops :)

Upon returning to Paris, I had the pleasure of welcoming my newlywed cousin Jesikah and her husband Jon into my home to stay for four days. We had a great time together, and I was glad to be able to show them around Paris. They have been traveling around the world for a 6-month honeymoon (how cool is that?), and wrapped up their travels here with me. We spent a day at Versailles, which I had not done yet. The palace was incredible. It was really interesting to learn about the state of things leading up to the French Revolution, and see first-hand how extravagant the lives were for the royalty, while the rest of the country lived in deep poverty. It was especially interesting to make the comparison to today, and to see how the same issues are still happening. People are richer than ever, and meanwhile people are also suffering more than ever. But I digress....

Jon and Jesikah have mastered site-seeing by this point in their journey, so we were able to see all the most important places very efficiently, leaving plenty of time for mindful conversations, lazy picnics, gooooood wine, and some live music. One day we got bikes and toured the city, and it was not nearly as convenient as cycling through Amsterdam was.

I loved having them here, and it definitely got me excited to see all the other people I love back home!

Early Spring I met a French-woman that asked me to give English lessons to her three children, and last week was my final week teaching, as they are now in Israel for summer holidays. Yet another tough goodbye, because of course I got close to the family over the past few months working for them. Last Thursday I brought the kids to my restaurant so they could practice ordering in English, and then this Monday we had our farewell picnic.

Yesterday (Tuesday) I went to another farewell picnic for my friend Donna (another au pair, from Canada) just outside Paris at Bois de Boulogne, and last night went to the Paris Opera house for a Ballet with my friends from Kiwizine! It was magnificent, and definitely made me miss my days as a ballerina.

Now I have exactly two weeks left here in Paris, and I am really disoriented about the fact that my life here is coming to a close. And on that note, I gotta go spend the little time I have left exploring this vast and intricate city :)

Stay real, and do what you do.

☮

♥ hannah lee

The Men with the Flowers

I have so many things to write about at the moment, but as I was about to start, I was interrupted, so I am not even going to talk about the several subjects I need to touch on (SOON!). As I write this, I am sitting at Culture Rapide (my favorite local, très bohemian cabaret) waiting for the Blues Jam night to start (which has become my Thursday night tradition).

I love this place; I can sit in peace, writing and thinking, without being disturbed by rowdy fellas or obnoxious gals. That being said, there is always the disturbance of the "Flower Men" (not an official title, just what I have labeled them). This disturbance has just happened, but it was welcomed :)

Here in Belleville (the 19th arrondissement of Paris, if you forgot) anytime you go out to eat, you can expect for there to be several men who will enter the restaurant throughout the course of your meal, attempting to sell you flowers. Some of them are très pénible, as in they will just stand in front of you while you try and enjoy your entrée of skewered watermelon, feta and smoked salmon (with a Greek mint sauce), repeatedly asking you if you will buy a flower--yes, this is our entrée (appetizer) this weekend.

Working in a restaurant, I know all the flower men, as they come into my restaurant every night of service. Whenever I'm out-and-about in the neighborhood at other bars and restaurants, I run into them. Tonight I chatted with one of my favorites; he is never annoying, doesn't speak much French or English. In French he knows how to say "How's it going?" and "Is it busy tonight?" and "I will return later." and of course, "You want?" (beckoning to the flowers in his arms). I felt so proud tonight, as he carried on a long conversation in French, using phrases and saying things that he has learned in the last few months. Every Friday I buy a flower from him, to decorate Kiwizine, but when I'm outside the restaurant he always offers me one as a gift. After our chat tonight he gave me a flower, smiling and bowing as he continued on his way, a long night of walking up and down the hilly neighborhood ahead of him.

I sure do love people making an honest living.

Stay real, and do what you do.

☮

♥ hannah lee

The Routine of Clean

Eliminate the clutter

clean up the dirt

vacuum the dust

reorganize...

to

make

room.

Did some much-needed house cleaning today, and realized how symbolic it is of the journey of inner-work!

Stay real, and do what you do.

☮

♥ hannah lee

In All The Secret Places

Hey loves of mine, this entry is just a photo update, nothing more. I realize not everyone I know is on Facebook (Barnabas, your anti-change mentality must end; cave already!) so here are some pictures from recent adventures.

*The lovely Eiffel Tower; never gets old...especially when one has great editing tools!

*I just love this one of Lilia and I walking; taking a pause for a kiss.

*This is my dear friend Ida; this coming Sunday this lovely Norwegian and I will be meeting up in Amsterdam!

*My friend Amélie was kind enough to kidnap me from the city and let me join her family for a day at the sea ♥ How gorgeous is she? She has already birthed two beautiful children, and has her third coming this August. Both births were natural and painless for her (wow!) and she and her husband just published a book on childbirth :)

My kind of powerhouse woman!

*Au bord de la mer (at the seaside).

*This is Ètretat, a city located in the region of Normandy, known especially for these famous falaises (cliffs) from which many famous painters found inspiration (Monet, of course). Très belles!

*Even while sporting my hat, shades and scarf, my skin managed to get its fill of sun.

*It is officially my dream to one day own a little cottage in the hills...

* Such a gift to get out of the hussle-and-bussle of the city.

*This is Donna, an au pair from Canada

*So, for the most part I think that's about it. Last week I had a friend (from my days at Minnesota) who came and stayed with me. We did the classic touristy places (Louvre, Eiffel Tower, etc) and also made our way to several lovely local bars/cabarets where we found some amazing live music.

Yesterday I went to the Musée de l'Orangerie, created to exhibit Monet's Water Lilly paintings. UNBELIEVABLE. Favorite museum by far. With my visa I get in free to all the national museums, so I only had to pay for the audio guide; I was the nerd who took notes the whole time.

Now it's already time for another great weekend of work at the restaurant. My friend Jordan just finished updating the website for Kiwizine, check it out if you like www.kiwizineresto.com .

Here is an amazing video of Lilia

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MGGmaumIT0U

Here is another one of her freaking out about a balloon. So adorable, she already knows how to entertain.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VJlpp0lLzpo

Stay real, and do what you do.

☮

♥ hannah lee

Get Your Fix...or Not.

Several days ago I discovered a group/product/service that was created by a guy who was “looking deeper for more insight on how to improve the human condition.” As I see myself and my role in the world as a healer, it sounded much like my own quest. This man, Mastin Kipp, started sharing quotes and tidbits of wisdom and life lessons to his friends via Facebook, Twitter, and Email. Two years ago someone famous discovered his feed, suggested it to their followers, and his went from 1,000 to 10,000 overnight, and now has over 300,000! The Daily Love sends a daily email (or Twitter update), filled with quotes and stories that are created with the intention to spread love, wisdom, and overall consciousness. Check out the site and consider getting daily love updates via email at http://thedailylove.com .

I have had several days of receiving these emails, and already I feel the waves of energy that have begun to stimulate my soul. There is a commonality amongst the posts people create (Mastin is not the only contributor), and I have certainly been spoken to.

Do your inner work. Learn the lessons. Get your thinking right. There is a recovery process. Your life is a gift. You are worthy.

"Some of us would rather keep suppressing our emotions and working on ourselves, so these folks keep stuffing down parts of themselves that are dying to be seen, recognized and expressed. The path to self-destruction is filled with avoidance of yourself. That’s what addiction really is – avoidance of ourselves to our own detriment. There are LOTS of ways to be addicted. You can be addicted to substances, alcohol, people, work, fame, success, attention, flirting with people, sugar, food and lots of other things.

When we hit a rough patch in life, instead of just letting ourselves feel, we can choose one of the above addictions and keep avoiding what’s within us. This is not what The Uni-verse has in mind for you. No amount of chocolate, sex, alcohol, success, people or drugs can silence the Whisper of The Uni-verse within you OR your emotions." (http://thedailylove.com/bummed-heres-12-tips-to-bounce-back/)

So how do you get your fix? What way, no doubt ingenious, have you found to distract yourself from yourself? To numb yourself to the pains of the world, to the pains of your world?

Take an inventory of yourself; figure out what you use;

and stop.

Receiving a daily devotion such as The Daily Love is healthy; it is good fuel for the soul. Start the transition back into health by recognizing what healthy doses actually look like.

Ultimately, the resounding message of the co-creators of that site is that we must be proactive. We must actively choose to do life. Actively choose love. Actively co-create our lives with the choices we make. We can choose to replace unproductive and negative thoughts with productive, positive true thoughts. We must start to recognize that every addiction and negative habit we have, at its root, is an avoidance of ourselves.

This all made me think about a woman (Jen Lindwall) I heard once who spoke about the idea of peace. She said true peacemakers are people who are willing to sit down in a storm, find a bit of peace, and spread it. In order to do this on a large-scale (in the world of chaotic storms), we have to first be able to sit down inside the storm that is within ourselves. This leads back to all the discourse on inner work.

In maintaining honesty and transparency, I do not put enough energy into my inner work. I am a master at distraction and avoidance. That being said, living here in Paris, I don’t have “my people” surrounding me, I don’t have my compulsively-busy life, I live without roommates, I am neither in school nor working a time-consuming job, I have consciously chosen to abstain from any romantic situations, thus the path has been prepared for me to actually give my first fruits of energy to my inner work. What does this mean for me? I’m still discovering that. Writing, purging my thoughts and feelings, dancing, sitting still, breathing, studying the Wisdom of the ages—al l of the above. Awakening consciousness, recognizing each day as a gift, attempting to see the lesson in every relationship and growing, transforming, setting intentions and sticking with them, being present with every moment while maintaining thoughtfulness for my greater visions…these are all vital practices that I have thus far adopted.

It is not easy. Doing your work is full of uncomfortable expressions and discoveries, and that is only the beginning. From there, you have to choose to learn, use the experiences, and change.

And of course, always remember, there is a Divine source behind everything (some people say God, Uni-Verse, Spirit, etc), which longs to help you with it all, and bring you the best for your life. Start There.

Stay real, and do what you do.

☮

♥ hannah lee